Wikileaks Elf Arrested
Posted by Dave Bath on 2010-12-10
An elf was taken into custody by North Pole Fairy Police, on suspicious of providing Wikileaks with the Naughty and Nice database, some of which was published today, the rest to be released over coming weeks.
The furore has been labelled "Santagate" by some.
"It’s totally irresponsible of wikileaks to make this available." said a Toy Industry spokesperson. "This will have a disastrous impact on sales of toys, putting many manufacturers at risk of bankruptcy."
Some parents have welcomed the documents. "We had a pretty good idea that Little Johnny was a very naughty boy, but we didn’t know just how often he had lied to us, and what a bad boy he has been. We’ll be watching him much more closely in the future, and hope his behaviour will improve next year."
The Wikileaks servers have been slow to respond, partly because of the many parents searching for the truth about their children, partly because a group of radical children have joined forces to attack the site.
Other parents, however, are less welcoming of the whole phenomenon of the SantaGate database.
"What next? It might be alright to release information on behaviour this year, but our ability to negotiate with our children will totally break down, and even lives lost, if the naughty/nice lists from our day are released, and our kids point out the things we got up to. It might totally destroy the family peace we’ve worked so hard to achieve if our lies catch up with us."
Santa Claus has shown some relief that only Confidential, not Top Secret data has been released.
"Thankfully, the lists of presents for each child are still in good hands, so the inequities across the world won’t be threatened, and the kids will still get their surprises on Xmas morning."
The legal representative for the arrested elf pointed out that the information was not released for private gain, but in the interest of transparency, and the ultimate hope for children to be better behaved.
"Our client, like many others in the Elf Union, have grown tired of the way many children lie to their parents, coerce them into buying supplementary gifts apart from the ones delivered by Santa, and would like to see greater honesty in the world, especially in the lead-up to the festive season. It annoys us, and doubtless parents, that the most worthy kids are often not appreciated as much as they should be, given the activities of many of their peers, and we hope the more honest kids are given a bit more attention and leeway for occasional boisterous enthusiam by their parents."
Social commentators are divided on the issue about whether the SantaGate papers are a good thing. Many cite hopes for greater honesty, but others wonder just how far things will go, and whether the authority of parents will be destroyed.
"What happens if later releases of information include details of current misbehaviour by parents, extra-marital affairs and the like? Teenagers especially might lose all respect for their parents, for the instructions not to go ‘too far’ with those of the opposite sex, there’ll be a huge baby boom, and Santa won’t be able to provide enough toys to ensure that all good kids get at least something."
Wikileaks has offered children the chance to see their details from the Naughty List – claiming this offers an opportunity for them to redeem themselves somewhat in the next few weeks.